Despite a certain someone not posting on facebook thereby failing a prerequisite for my posting again, I have decided to post anyway because I'm just bored.
Its funny how going home can amplify your personallity. Parhaps its re-submurging yourself in the environment that caused you to become who and what you are that is responsible. In everyday life, away from these forces, our natural tendencies must be moderated by social expectations but at home.... you are confident, you are accepted, and you know they'll love you anyway. I notice the differece especially in those who moved away from home with me. The flirts are exponentially worse once they set foot back in Junction than they were elsewhere. The 'party-ers' are more overt and the unreliable completely flake out.
Unfortionately, I am not immune either. Since arriving home, I've noticed the sarcasm is a bit thicker and the commentary a bit more biting (much to the dismay of my sister). Luckilly, those around are used to me at this strength but I am literally embarrassed at my inabillity to hold my tongue. Last night, in the matter of an hour, I managed to 'burn' each of my four companions to the point of blushing. (Luckilly , they are old friends with PLENTY of ammunition to defend themselves so it was all in fun but that's not the point) The point is, that it didn't even cross my mind untill I was in the car going home. It was completely natural.
In the Fort, I would NEVER (ok not never but rarely) tease someone so mercilessly in public without giving it a second thought. Most people I know there couldn't take it. (Unfortionately, I have learned this through experience with a few) But what about home makes this more readily retrievable? Have I mellowed with age, adapted to the new surroundings or learned the value of social delicacy? And what about home negates these changes? I believe the answer lays with expectation.
Those at home (or where we spent most of our youth) remember us as our younger selves. They remember the overt kindergardener, the awkward middle-schooler and finally the homecoming queen with the mischievious streak. But 18 is where the consistent information ends (for most of us that don't still live there). Therefore, it is natural for people to treat someone as the person that they were when they last lived at home. For instance, My friends expect me to defend myself when good naturedly teased(if not be the initiator) and so the behavior is expected and encouraged because it is comfortable.
Unfortionately, (as with my sister) this is not always a positive experience. Just because something is familiar and therefore comfortable, does not mean it is the most productive way to go about things.
My sister probably remembers me as the daily stealer of the shower and hairties that I was when we lived together. This would explain the snipping about "using her special perfume" that is a common mistake for someone to make who was unaware that that was the one bottle amung 8 that was hers and not my sharing mother's.
My response of "I'm sorry, is there anything else in the bathroom that I shouldn't touch?" would seem appropriate for most but is interperated as sarcastic due to past history. I think this is how we fall back into old habits; though constant expectation and thereby misinterperatation of new data. Sometimes, this serves a purpose (such as reverting to an established form of interaction with friends) and facilitates a continued connection. Sometimes it inhibits progress (such as bickering with my sister). I guess the trick is to figure out a way to enjoy the comfort of established connections and style of interations while not extending that style to those who don't respond well to it. I'll get back to you when I figure out how. That's all for now. <3 katie
